i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
3pm strippers are depressing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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