I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
