oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
