i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm like, not good at living.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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