I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
