3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
