Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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