I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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