We named our party play list daddy issues
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
