so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
