Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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