I feel great
I just peed on a car
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
