I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
