I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
