I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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