So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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