16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
