We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
