How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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