I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize