he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
