I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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