He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
