Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
