we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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