Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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