Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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