So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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