From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize