Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
