there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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