I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
