Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
