just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
