i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
