An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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