shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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