Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
