If you die in college, do you die in real life?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
