I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
