do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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