I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.