if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
