Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
