Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
