Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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