Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
