Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
