i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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