Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
