You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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