im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
