dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
