my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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