VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
