This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
