It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
