New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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