I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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