they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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