I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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